Some Things Are Better off Left to HASHEM
I want to present you with a challenge. You have six months to find the perfect roommate. Here’s how it works. You can choose anyone you want, but once you decide on this person, that’s it. You’re stuck—no changes. And here are the conditions.
Creating Mr. Potato Head
The shadchan says in that singsong voice, “So, tell me, what are you looking for?”
And out comes the laundry list.
“I need someone who is extroverted, funny, and outgoing.”
“I need a woman who is very frum, tolerant, and kind.”
“I need a bachur who is a take-charge type, strong but not headstrong.”
Matchmaker Make Me a Match
A Close Circle of Friends
When my wife and I were newlyweds, we took up an informal study of marriages. At the time, my parents had a close circle of friends, eight couples who got together regularly. We studied each couple to try and discover the “secret” to a happy marriage. After a while, we compared notes and found that we had both reached the same conclusion: each couple was mismatched!
Couple one: She was too smart for him… Couple two: He was too frum for her… Couple three: She was too sophisticated … And couple four: He was too loud. Had either of us been the shadchan, we would never have put any of them together. They just didn’t match up.
IF IT WEREN’T HARD ENOUGH
What really makes the notion that a young woman is capable of choosing “Mr. Right” absurd is that it denies a fundamental reality.
Hashem created men and women to serve distinct roles, and therefore, He made men and women different. Not different marginally or incidentally. Different in almost every imaginable way. They are different in their natures, outlooks, and values. They are different in the ways they approach life, objects, and relationships. They are different in the ways that they behave, relate to each other, and communicate. Men and women are so different that you would almost think that they belong to different cultures or come from different planets.
And it’s not that they are socialized or brought up differently; these distinctions are inborn.