From now on, you and your roommate will do everything together. You will go to sleep and get up at the same time. You will drive the same car. You will eat your meals together. You will vacation and visit family together. You will have the same friends. You will share your possessions, keep your money in the same bank account, and pay your expenses together. So what you buy, when you buy it, and how much of it you buy, you decide together. And one more thing: there will be no secrets from your roommate. You will report everything: where you go, who you go with, and how long you’ll be there. This arrangement will last for four years. No taking off a semester, no two-week breaks.
How confident are you that you will make the right choice? How sure are you that you won’t regret your choice after a few months?
Now, let’s add one more wrinkle to this challenge. What if, instead of the arrangement lasting four years, it would last ten years? What if you now had to choose the person that you would room with for the next decade? How certain are you that you would pick the right one?
Here’s the point: When you get married, it’s for a lot more than ten years—hopefully, it’s for life. And that’s the problem. When you choose a spouse, you are committing to that person for the next who knows how long. How can you possibly make an intelligent choice? Who you are now isn’t who you will be twenty years from now. People change. Things happen. And what was important to you when you were younger isn’t what matters when you’re older. So how can you know now who the right person will be for you when you’re forty or fifty? You don’t have a clue to what you will be like then.
While this is one of the more glaring difficulties with choosing the “right one,” we’ll soon see that there are many more.
Rabbi Shafier is the founder of the Shmuz.com – The Shmuz is an engaging, motivating shiur that deals with real life issues.
All of the Shmuzin are available free of charge at www.theShmuz.com or on the Shmuz App for iphone or Android. Simply text the word “TheShmuz” to the number 313131 and a link will be sent to your phone to download the App.
How confident are you that you will make the right choice? How sure are you that you won’t regret your choice after a few months?
Now, let’s add one more wrinkle to this challenge. What if, instead of the arrangement lasting four years, it would last ten years? What if you now had to choose the person that you would room with for the next decade? How certain are you that you would pick the right one?
Here’s the point: When you get married, it’s for a lot more than ten years—hopefully, it’s for life. And that’s the problem. When you choose a spouse, you are committing to that person for the next who knows how long. How can you possibly make an intelligent choice? Who you are now isn’t who you will be twenty years from now. People change. Things happen. And what was important to you when you were younger isn’t what matters when you’re older. So how can you know now who the right person will be for you when you’re forty or fifty? You don’t have a clue to what you will be like then.
While this is one of the more glaring difficulties with choosing the “right one,” we’ll soon see that there are many more.
Rabbi Shafier is the founder of the Shmuz.com – The Shmuz is an engaging, motivating shiur that deals with real life issues.
All of the Shmuzin are available free of charge at www.theShmuz.com or on the Shmuz App for iphone or Android. Simply text the word “TheShmuz” to the number 313131 and a link will be sent to your phone to download the App.
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